The Stout Republican

Thanksgiving was this last week. A beautiful sentence. Look at it, perfect. A proper noun, a verb, a preposition, an adjective, another noun, followed up with a period. It makes a statement and does so quickly and effectively (without any annoying asides to mess with one’s reading rythem), while at the same time introducing a topic that can be elaborated on. More people should write like this (this meaning the first sentence, maybe even the second, but the coma in the third marks the start of a downward writing spiral). Some may think it’s a boring way to write, to which the proper response would be “You’re a boring way to write”. Most critics will be left too dumbfounded by the speed of your comback to question its point.

Thanksgiving was this last week. Topic introduced, elaboration begin.

-Thankful

I would venture a guess that most of you
have watched some TV in your day.
And furthermore I suppose that you
have seen a sitcom or two, I’d say.

Holiday specials are a thing that might
be seen when November comes rollin’ round.
Thanksgiving episodes on Thanksgiving night
to keep the networks ratings sound.

‘Round food filled tables bad jokes are told
accompanied by situational pranks.
All the while the same message is sold:
Thanksgiving’s a time to give your thanks.

And around the table they say what it is
They all are truely thankful for.
Family, friends, their parents and kids,
Clothes on their backs and locks on their doors.

Since I’ve never really had the chance
To give the thanks I feel inside.
I’ll post my thoughts and hope you glance
And maybe some feedback you’ll provide.

Let’s start with the basic and important things
The love of my life, my friends and family
Happiness is what all these things bring
Without all them, there’d be no me.

There are a couple thanks I think I’ve belate
That I really feel the need to give.
Things to which most of you can likely relate
Things in the day to day life I live.

Sometimes I go searching late at night
To find a local homeless hole.
I offer them money so each other they’ll fight
I’m thankful I never paid a soul.

Month after month I lose lots of money
From gambling at the local pool hall.
I’m thankful for this, I know it seems funny
If not gambling, I’m sure booze is where I’d spend it all.

One weekend in Vegas I “rented a lady”
and made some decisions I probably regret.
She ripped off my wallet, I knew she seemed shady
but thanks again for the AIDS that I didn’t get.

Finally I’m thankful for my uncanny ability
to write the perfect movie review.
If not then you wouldn’t be reading me
Instead, I’m thankful I’m not reading you.

A Thanksgiving poem by

-The Right Wing

Setting new standards nowhere, raising old standards everywhere.

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