The Stout Republican

Definition time a’la The American Heritage Dictionary!(great deal marked down from $60)
stress (strs)
n.

1. Importance, significance, or emphasis placed on something.
2. Linguistics.
   1. The relative force with which a sound or syllable is spoken.
   2. The emphasis placed on the sound or syllable spoken most forcefully in a word or phrase.
3. 1. The relative force of sound or emphasis given a syllable or word in accordance with a metrical pattern.
   2. A syllable having strong relative emphasis in a metrical pattern.
4. Accent or a mark representing such emphasis or force.
5. Physics.
   1. An applied force or system of forces that tends to strain or deform a body.
   2. The internal resistance of a body to such an applied force or system of forces.
6. 1. A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences and capable of affecting physical health, usually characterized by increased heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, muscular tension, irritability, and depression.
   2. A stimulus or circumstance causing such a condition.
7. A state of extreme difficulty, pressure, or strain: “He presided over the economy during the period of its greatest stress and danger” (Robert J. Samuelson).

job¹ (jb)
n.

1. A regular activity performed in exchange for payment, especially as one’s trade, occupation, or profession.
2. A position in which one is employed.
3. 1. A task that must be done: Washing the windows is not my job.
   2. A specified duty or responsibility.
4. 1. A specific piece of work to be done for a set fee: an expensive repair job.
   2. The object to be worked on.
   3. Something resulting from or produced by work.
5. Computer Science. A program application that may consist of several steps but is performed as a single logical unit.
6. Informal. A difficult or strenuous task: It was a real job to convince them to drop the charges.
7. Informal. A bad or unsatisfactory piece of work: The stylist did a real job on my hair.
8. Informal. A state of affairs: Their marriage was a bad job from the start. It’s a good job that we left early to avoid the traffic.
9. Informal. A criminal act, especially a robbery: a bank job.
10. Informal. An example of a specified type, especially of something made or constructed. Often used in combination: a new building that is just another glass and steel job; a cowboy hat that is one of those ten-gallon jobs.

Now pay close attention to the sixth definition of the word stress and the first definition of the word job. Using my extremely high IQ, I will combine these two words with the uses previously specified, making a brand new word: “stressjob”. Or maybe: “jobstress” or maybe I’ll separate them again realizing that my qualifications don’t bleed over into making new words (wording?). However, taking ques from the American Heritage Dictionary (the paperback got 4 stars and the hardback got 5? “The definitions were right on” says dictionary review monthly, “but the binding was two easy to bend.”), I will still attempt to combine the two completely different ideas into one all encompassing description.

job stress (jb strs)
n.x2 or 2n

1. A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to a regular activity performed in exchange for payment, especially as one’s trade, occupation, or profession.

Now I believe we have all at some point experienced stress at our jobs as sure as I believe that chunky peanut butter is a Jew-hatched plot to take over the world. But until now, and I mean just now (Remember? When I came up with the word job stress?), we never really knew how to describe this feeling.

Now let me give you an example of some of my own personal history on the topic.

My first job was as an in store miniature painter for a hobby store called Boardwalk Games (where geeks abroad unite away from the scrutiny and humiliation of the public…so they can scrutinize and humiliate each other privately…ugh). At this point in my life I thought stress was finding a ride to work (didn’t drive at that time), and dealing with nerds who said very very stupid things all day long. Shortly after I gave that up, I found myself in a different art field; the art of the sandwich, or as my work shirt dubbed me: “Sandwich Artist”. During my year at subway I felt like stress was looking at a line to the door for a solid 2 hours during the dinner rush while dealing with a manager who was unwilling to do any of the menial tasks he felt were the responsibility of the minimum wage employees. After a year with no raise I left there to become a sports bar chef at both the world famous “Hooter’s” at Pasadena, and the Antelope Valley famous “Coach’s” in Rosamond. My stress threshold was maturing as I realized that never before had I felt real stress in a job, which I knew now was a commute to Pasadena for one job while trying to juggle a second job schedule, and spend my money on an entirely new concept which was paying to stay somewhere. The apartment I gave my hard earned bucks to called this concept “Rent“.

As my jobs evolved, so did my idea of what stress was, until now at the age of 22 I have finally discovered “True Stress” in swimming pool sales and design. To spend literally 100 hours a week working, knowing that on a good week 90 percent of that work is useless, and on a bad week all 100 percent might as well have been spent staring at a wall. I get paid if I sell a pool, and only if I sell. The Winter season comes around and is so slow that I pine for all the useless work I did that Summer. At least you have a chance to sell something when you’re working. More and more lately I find myself at an estimate promising a drawing in less than 2 days. We set a return appointment for let’s say 10:00 on Friday morning, “That’s this Friday right” is always my confirmation question as I write down the appointment time and day on a business card that I leave with them before giving a very professional, very practiced handshake (Handshake Review Monthly gave it a 9.8 and called it the “Handshake to look for in 2006″) and wave a “See you on Friday morning” goodbye. I spend as much as 8 hours drawing, labeling, sometimes coloring, then pricing, pricing pricing. I make my price breakdown legible and easy to understand. Friday morning comes and I’m ready. I approach the door through the sprinklers that almost always come on as I pull up to the house. My finger hits the buzzer. Wait. Ring again and be sure this time to listen for the doorbell, making sure that it did in fact ring. Wait. No show. Phone call to the customer. “Hi its Josh the pool guy…oh that’s ok I forget as well sometimes…would you like to reschedule?…Oh you already signed?…Did you want to see the plan and price anyway?…Oh ok well good luck with your new backyard.” Hang up. Less than 48 hours ago I was standing face to face with you confirming my return time for 10:00 on Friday morning. If you were standing face to face with me now I’d take my shoe off, and I’d somehow find a way to solidify the concept of 10 hours of time, and work, and innovation, and preparation, and high hopes, and drop that concept into my sock right before I whip you in the face with it in front of your wife and kids so that even though it’s too late to teach YOU that other people’s time is worth something, THEY will come away from the ordeal having learned that valuable lesson.

True Stress…

Yesterday I saw a movie. It ran for 149 minutes start to finish. In that 149 minutes I experienced a stress that made my life seem easy. Just watching this film stretched me thinner than my busiest week in the Summer, and had me more agitated than my slowest week in the Winter. The movie I refer to is The Departed.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon star as Billy Costigan (Leo) and Colin Sullivan (Damon) in Martin Scorsese’s newest dramatic thriller. The beginning follows the path of both as they rise quickly in the ranks of the Boston State PD. The only twist being that since Sullivan was young he was in the employ of a big time crime boss named Frank Costello, played brilliantly by Jack Nicholson. Neither of the two are aware of each other during their time at the academy and the way it’s shot makes it seem like it could be at separate times, though I believe it was shot that way to imply that they never crossed paths once. Sullivan graduates, still with strong ties to Costello (he refers to him on the phone with the code name Dad, which further demonstrates how strongly Costello is in charge of Sullivan), and is quickly promoted to a Special Investigation Unit whose job is to take down none other than Frank Costello. Meanwhile Costigan reaches his own crossroads and decides to take a job as an undercover officer whose job is to infiltrate the ranks of the very same Costello who has already done so with the Boston PD. Sullivan plays the eyes and ears of Costello from within the unit and keeps him from getting taken down numerous times all the while keeping up the SUI charade. With only two people alive who know what Costigan’s real role is, and with only Costello aware of Sullivan’s allegiances, the two find themselves in a race to find and expose each other with life ending consequences for both should they lose. Supported by Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, and Kirsten Dalton.

Fantastic, Brilliant, Top Notch, Mediocre (?). Loved this one. First thing is the Acting. Everyone person in the movie is great. For all you Leonardo DiCaprio haters out there, well just go to hell I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind, but Leo played someone who was being pressured from all sides perfectly. Nicholson had sinister down to a T so much so that just to see him in a scene made you uncomfortable. And Matt Damon is the epitome of a sleazy charming liar. Hilarious support from Damon and Baldwin break the tension a bit, but not so much so that the movie loses any thrill. Next stop writing. Some of the most quotable dialogue since Goodfellas as far as I’m concerned, from the opening line onward, every line is so well placed that Shakespeare would plagiarize this if he was alive today (or ever was…Jew conspiracy?). Scorse in the driver seat has never let me down yet. Using music and camera work he made you feel as paranoid as Liotta in Goodfellas. Lights and darks gave you the sinister feeling of being stalked like Nolte in Cape Fear, and I’m not sure how but the stress that he puts you through in this movie alongside DiCaprio is unbelievable. I wanted nothing more than to sleep for a day after this experience. Fantastic from start to finish.

On the Drama scale (it’s not really action) I give this one 9 out of 10.

Till next time I’ll be drinking alone to wear this one off.

-The Right Wing

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